Waikiki Beach Marriott Resort & Spa

December 25th, 2020

Enroute:

Before I begin, and correct me if I’m wrong, Honolulu felt like a destination that had peaked 2 decades ago and had since been abandoned. There hasn’t been any exciting new developments in the hotel scene - there’s no W, no St. Regis or Kimptons. All the hotels are mammoth, multi-tower resort compounds that haven’t been updated even prior to Britney shaving her head. Since this post is mostly a diss post, I’ll keep it relatively concise😤. Yeah, we straight up did NOT have a good time at this place.

We extended our Hawaii trip after a week on the Big Island and decided to check out Honolulu on the way back. Given the last-minute nature of this trip, I could not with good conscience say I had done the necessary diligence I normally would have when it came to booking hotels.

We knew we wanted to enjoy the good weather and swim (day-drink) a bit more, so Waikiki Beach seemed like the obvious choice. However, even just from the cursory research, it had quickly become clear not every “beach” hotel on Waikiki had beach access. Some of them were even streets away from it. That’s when I decided on the Waikiki Beach Marriott Resort & Spa because, well, first of all, it’s actually named as a “resort”, rather than a “hotel” like other places; second of all, it appeared to be right across from the beach; lastly, the rooms were recently renovated during Covid, so it sounded like a decent choice.

The paid rate for our original two-night stay was $250/night including taxes plus a $37/night resort fee. On the surface, it didn’t sound like a horrible deal since apparently there was a crazy amount of tourists in Honolulu even with the Covid restrictions, and most other equitable options were more expensive. Boy did I regret it.

Check-in:

We checked in at around 6pm after a short hop from Kona. Our front desk agent Yuko was an absolute delight - she was friendly, competent and super easy to work with. She informed us the hotel was near capacity so she wasn’t able to give us an ocean view room, however, she upgraded us to a junior suite facing the city. We really appreciated her effort and thought the room we received was perfectly fine.

Unpack:

The hotel clearly didn’t expect to welcome these many guests, because when we left the front desk to get to our room, this was the queue for the lifts:

For the remainder of our stay, there was a 15-minute wait every time to get on the elevators. I had no issue with the 1-party/2-person rule for elevators. But if the occupancy was at a level that it caused crowding issues, maybe it’s wise to limit the occupancy? I’m fully aware that the industry had taken a huge hit because of Covid but this seemed counterproductive to preventing the spread?

One Godfather movie later we finally made it to our room located on the second top floor (16 or 17 I believe). First to the left of the foyer was a randomly laid out space, and we shall call it the pantry:

Then there’s the main living quarter, which consisted of the tv, the writing desk and the couch.

Behind the couch was the sleeping area.

You could access the two separate balconies from either the living space or the bedroom, from which on a sunny day you could see parts of the Diamond Head.

To the left of the king bed was the bathroom, which featured a closet as well.

The room was definitely brand new, which was about where the good part ended. The space was poorly utilized. First there was the pantry space that had no use but to pile your belongings on. I suspect during normal times it might have served as a kitchenette with a microwave and so on. Then there’s a huge space between the tv wall and the couch where you could have 10 people doing vinyasa flow in a circle. The furniture could not be more generic - Was Wayfair on sale recently? To be completely fair, these are just minor complaints, if even complaints at all. This was indeed, a Marriott, after all, not a Peninsula.

The room was again, more than sufficient, and I would think this hotel probably had the best rooms compared to the other dated mega resort factories along the beach. What irked me so much that we had to check out after just one night was the resort fee at this place.

I mean, this hotel must operate at a loss with this fabulous suite of benefits it offered, right? I would pay $200 just for these perks! 60-minute long distance and international phone calls everyday? What a steal! Don’t you always count on landlines to connect with families and stay on top of business when you’re far away from home? I bet every time when Trump needs to phone mother Russia he checks into the Marriott Waikiki Beach since I doubt the White House would have access to such revolutionary technology.

And then there’s unlimited blu-ray or DVD rental. Ah, blu-ray and DVD, how charmingly nostalgic. What is blu-ray, btw? Is it like, a CT scan? Sounds awfully radioactive, ain’t it? Is SPF50 good enough? And is DVD an eating disorder? You can’t keep up with millennials nowadays. Marriott Waikiki Beach understood that nothing makes you feel more at home than a Redbox attached to the parking lot of a Red Roof Inn. In all seriousness, though, how did the hotel procure all these antique DVD players during a renovation that took place in 2020?

Beach chair service at a resort hotel? A novel concept for me. If only I didn’t have to lug them all the way across the street.

Cultural and fitness classes, if you could ever find availability to even get into the gym.

Not today:

Not tomorrow:

The same was true for the rooftop pool. Keep in mind this was a massive hotel with 1175 rooms and 135 suites.

Last but not least, you’d think a $37/night resort fee would get you bottled water. But nah, purified Aquafina was too ghetto for Marriott Waikiki Beach. The resort fee provided you with two luxurious water “bottles” that magically transformed tap water into Fiji. There’s no refill stations on each floor but one by the elevators in the lobby. Yes, quenching your thirst came at a high price tag of 20+ minutes of your life. Did I mention I bill by the hour? That’s lucky if you also didn’t catch Covid from the same fountain thousands of guests used daily. Oh the water bottle I was raving about?

I mean, if your expectation fulfills at “it does hold water like a bottle” then I guess? But a pothole on the interstate also holds water when it rains do you drink out of a pothole? What was the management thinking? It’s one thing to offer additional amenities for a fee, while it’s another to lump the things that had always been included to justify the rip-off. To insult even further, most people weren’t even able to use the things they paid for. At what point do we draw the line? Before you mention the impact from Covid, I’d like to note that resort fee originated way before Covid. These hotels had been getting away with resorts fees for quite a while now. As a consumer, I always have one last resort (no pun intended and no, it’s not leaving a bad Yelp review) which is to take my business elsewhere. And I put money where my mouth was.

Depart:

We talked to Yuko, the super helpful front desk agent who checked us in. She was understanding of and empathetic to our experience, and we could tell it wasn’t the first time she had heard such things. However, she still patiently listened to me ranting and even wrote down on her notepad the points that she thought were valid. We agreed on checking out early without penalty and waiving the resort fee for our one night, since we couldn’t use any of it. She was graceful and diplomatic during our exchange which made me feel kind of bad for bitching to her instead of someone less nice.

And to that mon ami, I wish you are as relieved as we were when our stay at the Waikiki Beach Marriott Resort & Spa came to an end. We threw our stuff together and quickly fled to seek refuge at the Ritz-Carlton Residences, Waikiki Beach, which was, a world of difference.