LA501 MIA-SCL

March 11, 2019

Check-in:

Miami during spring break is a hard no from me. Period. One last meal at Suviche in Miami Beach, I headed off to Miami International Airport (MIA) to catch my LATAM flight to Santiago de Chile. LATAM Airlines is the merged airline of Chile’s LAN Airlines and Brazil’s TAM Airlines. The two airlines formed the indisputable Latin America powerhouse. LATAM and its subsidiaries cloud the skies in Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Ecuador, Paraguay and Perú (you did not notice my alphabetical OCD).

For some reason I couldn’t complete my check-in online, so I stopped by the counter and was issued my boarding pass in a matter of seconds. With all the sweat and sunscreen running off my skin all day, I was desperate for a shower. Luckily, I had time to visit the LATAM Airlines VIP Lounge located in MIA’s J concourse.

Lounge:

The lounge was located one floor up and was right next to LATAM’s biggest rival Avianca.

First impression of the lounge was it was really outdated. I felt like I was in a 2002 Sheraton. LATAM serves 10 destinations from Miami, so the lounge was a good size.

There was food as well as alcoholic beverages, but since I was already sauced from one or too many pisco sours at dinner prior, I stayed restrained and went straight to shower.

The shower suite was spotless, and as a germaphobe I particularly appreciated how the toilet was taped off after disinfection. After layers and layers of lotion to remedy my sunburn, I headed to my boarding gate. The lounge was nothing special, but it did serve my purpose - imagine getting on an 8-hour red-eye after being on the beach all day. No gracias.

I do need to note that this lounge is currently under (much needed) renovation, and I hope to visit again when it reopens.

Boarding:

Per usual, the diva was fashionably late. The general boarding had started, so I cut to the front of the queue while yelling “Move! I’m gay (in business class)!”.

Of course all the rich South Americans chartered out the first half of business class for their squealing infants. The whole plane was a total zoo with parents shushing their babies while all the diapers, formulas, Christian Dior lipsticks and Carolina Herrera sunglasses were all falling out of those Brazilian soccer moms’ Goyard bags.

LATAM’s business class on its Boeing Dreamliners was equipped with standard forward-facing seats in 2-2-2 configuration, the same you’ll find on LOT Polish Airlines and Kenya Airways. While not the most private seats out there, the unobstructed legroom sure was nice. These seats are also perfect for people traveling together. But in my case, business class was sold out, or friends and family upgrades. I sat next to one of the real housewives of Santiago de Chile, who went straight to sleep after take-off.

As you can see, the seat was about three windows long. On an airplane, you’re really paying for the real estate. The flight attendant didn’t skimp on the pre-departure drink just because I was late. The champagne on offer was Nicolas Feuillatte Réserve Exclusive Brut, which was a reasonable choice for business class. I was also served some mixed nuts.

Boarding was complete shortly after I settled down. I sat in the last row in business class, so I was able to peek inside the inner mechanism of a Dreamliner’s door.

Before we lifted off, I checked out the menu and wine list, as well as a breakfast card, which read as follows:

Inflight:

Soon enough we were airborne. For a red-eye flight, for any flight to be honest, service was painfully slow. The seatbelt sign was turned off shortly after we leveled off, but the first drink was only served 1 hour 20 mins into the flight. Uh excuse me? Is this lobster freshly caught off the coast of Maine? Because that would have taken less time. And this had been a recurring problem on my subsequent flights with LATAM.

LATAM also didn’t offer amenity kits on this flight. Earplugs and eye masks were supposedly available in the galley, but I just couldn’t bother.

Dinner was then served with everything on one tray, consisting of a bread roll, a parsnip soup, a main course of lobster ravioli in a creamy lemon sauce, and a dessert of vanilla flan with Dulce de Leche.

While the flight attendant offered to sprinkle some Kraft parmesan cheese on my pasta, it did not salvage the dish at all. Nothing on this tray was worth eating, and the quality fell short even if it’s served in British Airways Economy class. LATAM also substituted club soda for sparkling water, which I don’t understand how it didn’t rile up a rage amongst the snobby South Americans.

LATAM did only serve Chilean and Argentine wines though, which I appreciated. The Bodega Piedra Negra Reserve Malbec from Mendoza was pretty tasty.

I sent the meal back and reclined my seat to sleep. LATAM didn’t provide a mattress pad, but at least the duvet and pillow were plush and thick. The B787s had individual air nozzles, which helped micromanage the airflow during sleep. 3.5 hours later, the cabin lights were turned on for breakfast, which included a mountain of carbs, a sorry-looking scrambled egg dish, fruits, juice and coffee. I wished I had skipped this and slept through.

On Arrival:

Such is life. There are ups and downs in premium travel, and this flight was one of the downs. Objectively speaking, there was nothing wrong with this flight - the flight attendants were friendly and doing their jobs, the seats were comfortable, the food, while not great, wasn’t inedible (but it kinds was). But spoiled as I am, and knowing that there’s other fish in the sea, I probably won’t be seeking LATAM out unless it’s the most convenient.