Four Seasons Resort & Residences Napa Valley

February 16th, 2023

Enroute:

Earlier this year I went to Napa Valley for a bachelorette party. My partner and I visited Napa a few years ago and stayed at the Alila Napa Valley, which you can check out here. Since my last visit, the Four Seasons was the newest addition in town, and we decided to check it out.

After The White Lotus, the Four Seasons has somewhat become synonymous with ultra-luxury, at least on social media. However, not all Four Seaons are created equal. I won’t tell you how our stay was right off the bat, but I think you’ll get a sense pretty quickly…

Check-in:

There were 4 of us girlies on this trip, so we booked a two-bedroom residential villa. One of the girls and I took an Uber from SFO and arrived in less than 2 hours. The resort itself consisted largely of varying farmhouse-style buildings, which I guess is appropriate for the region but also totally predictable. For such a newly constructed hotel I just feel like they could’ve been a bit more imaginative.

Check-in was done in the main reception area. There were two sofas and some chairs. None of it felt particularly upscale - I’m not saying it was Wayfair, but it certainly wasn’t Minotti either... Luckily you really wouldn’t have to pass through here unless you’re checking in or out.

There was no one else at check-in, so we were helped immediately. The agent was friendly, and when in Napa, you get a glass of Schramsberg in lieu of a welcome champagne.

There was a published schedule of some group fitness classes, for those interested.

Attached to the reception was a balcony overlooking a manmade pond and the mountains in the distance. This was a nice space, and even in mid-February the weather in Napa was gorgeous.

For seemingly no reason check-in took like a full 15 minutes, and it wasn’t like the receptionist was giving us a Ted Talk of the resort amenities and activities or such. Lesser hotels are able to perform in-room check-ins, so I don’t understand why this can’t be done in our villa. I realize that this review will inevitably come off as bratty as hell, but let me disclaim that some of these issues are only issues at a Four Seasons. We’re not reviewing a Sheraton after all 😉.

After check-in, we were whisked off to our room on a buggy. There were otherwise paths connecting all the villas to the shared hotel facilities. We booked a driver for our entire stay, so subsequently we were able to get picked up directly from our villa. Each villa was equipped with both a garage and parking space.

Unpack:

Do you see what I mean? Our “villa” just looked like a spec house in a master-planned neighborhood.

Upon entry, there was a half bath to the left of the foyer. All toiletries were Le Labo, as you’d expect.

Given the occasion, we had called the hotel a week prior to arrange some decorations. You’d think a hotel of this caliber adjacent to one of the world’s wealthiest metropolitan areas would put out some bachelorette decorations for free. Nope. we had to pay $200 for the extra dozen HomeGoods balloons.

To the left of the open kitchen was the main dining area.

Next up was the kitchen, which was fully stocked with all the necessary cookware and serviceware.

Awaiting on the kitchen island was a bottle of Elusa cabernet sauvignon, which was the vineyard that the Four Seasons sat on. Notice how there were silverware but nothing to actually eat? As it turned out they were going to prepare a charcuterie board as part of the welcome amenities but forgot. We only found out because we later ordered a charcuterie board (among other things) via in-room dining, and the delivery person said it was going to be a welcome amenity. Also not me nitpicking, but our reservation was for 4 but there were only 3 sets of silverware. Just saying…

The rest of the kitchen featured bottled water, a selection of spirits as well as a wine fridge.

The fridge was stocked with various soft drinks. The first batch was complimentary, and any additional restocks would be charged. I have to give credit when it’s due, as the soft drinks were extensive - coconut water, kombuchas, cold brews and San Benedetto still and sparkling water.

Of the two bedrooms, one was clearly intended to be the master suite, as it faced the vineyard and was connected to the terrace. However, both were similarly sized. Let’s take a look at the master bedroom first.

I’m not saying it wasn’t nice, but the design did feel very generic to me. It’s just giving heaps of wealthy suburb vibe. Like this is what the inside of every house in Highland Park or McLean looks like.

Right outside the main bedroom was a closet in which IT was housed. Since the villas were spread out, each had its own router. However, the wifi connection in the villa was extremely spotty. It was fast when it worked, for what it’s worth. Cell service was feeble too.

Then outside the guest bedroom was the utility closet, where you could find a dryer and washer duo. Laundry detergent was available.

Second bedroom followed the exact same style as the primary bedroom.

Unwind:

We didn’t visit the pool area during our visit, but it looked decent.

We did have a little spa day. The spa was its own standalone building off to the side of the main lobby. The facility itself had reception and locker rooms on the first floor, an outdoor space with spa pool, shower and an area for mud bath. All treatment rooms were on the second floor, as well as a relaxation area. Steam room and sauna were both present, of course.

The spa offered a wellness-focused f&b menu, which reads as follows.

Additionally, you can find the treatments and prices here. The massage itself was pretty good, and the staff were very friendly.

Refuel:

Throughout our stay we probably ordered every single item from the room service menu, which you can find here. The quality of the food was about average. Nothing stood out as exceptional. Shortly after arrival we ordered some chicken tenders, the charcuterie board I mentioned earlier and a grilled maitake mushroom pizza.

On our last day we ordered some lunch and had it out on the porch. The in-room menu was rather limited, so we asked if we could order from the poolside restaurant. The website described it as “authentic Mexican”. I think any Mexican would beg to differ... Anyway, the menu is linked here. The hotel was nice enough to oblige. We started off with a pitcher of hibiscus agua fresca, which was more of the size of a carafe, and some guac and chips.

To eat, we shared cotija caesar salad with shrimp, cemitas burger and tostadas de frijole negro. These tostadas were VILE. Most of the dishes completely lacked flavor dimensions. It was either acutely salty, or in the case of the tostadas, unbearably spicy. It wasn’t a harmonious blend of spices that you get from like a Thai curry. There was no cohesiveness to any of the flavor profiles. It was disappointing because the shrimp looked pretty appetizing, but once you tasted it and guess what, it was as if you were chugging a mouthful of seawater.

In addition to lunch, we also had breakfast every morning in our villa. Breakfast was slightly better than lunch, given it’s hard to mess up a fruit plate or parfait…

Like I said, breakfast was indeed a bit more edible, but it was no more superior to what a convention JW would serve.

The only other dining option on property was Truss. There’s a twist to it, though. Inside Truss was Auro, a tasting-menu restaurant within Truss.

We didn’t dine at Truss, but we came here before our reservation at Auro for apéritif. At least that’s what we intended to do. We showed up around an hour before dinner and sat at the Truss bar. We all ordered espresso martinis. Yes, I get it’s not the quickest drink to make, but guess when we received our drinks? An hour later, when it was time for dinner at Auro. At this point we had to take our cocktails with us. We finally had to ask about it after sitting there for 30 minutes, and the waiter apologetically brought us a round of Schramsberg. BUT WE WANTED VODKA AFTER DRINKING WINE FOR THREE DAYS 💀! What does a girl have to do to get a strong drink around here???

Alas, onwards and upwards right? Nah, it didn’t get much better from there.

I had no issue with the food. It was obvious they were trying to attain a Michelin distinction with this restaurant. On a random tangent, people rave about the culinary scene in Napa, but I’ve only been to two places in Napa that warrant a second visit - the French Laundry and some random taco truck down the street from the French Laundry. On our last day we went to Press for dinner, which had one Michelin star. Is Michelin Oprah when it comes to star-giving? Have a tasting menu? You get a star!

Not trying to brag or anything, but as you probably gathered, a girl like me has been to such establishments before and eaten some Michelin stars in her belly. This had to be the slowest tasting menu I ever had to sit through. It wasn’t like it was drawn out because there were so many courses. The intervals were just soooo unnecessarily looooong.

Up until the palette cleanser we had already been at our table for like 3.5hrs. We had our Cristal. We had wagyu. We had caviar. We really just would like to go to bed now. The aloof waitress popped over and invited us for a tour of the kitchen before desserts. Ugh.

Fine, we didn’t want to look like assholes.

AND THE DESSERTS WEREN’T EVEN GOOD. Do you know sometimes you’re stuck in a situation where you’d like to be extricated, but instead it keeps getting worse? One time my partner and I mistakenly walked into a strip club in New Orleans. The strippers were not attractive, but we were the only people there. So it was rude to turn around and leave. I’m not directly comparing the two scenarios, but funny how tragedy tends to repeat itself…

Depart:

I know this review hasn’t been flattering. It’s because it wasn’t great. I used to think of Four Seasons as a slightly better Ritz-Carlton. Does anyone else remember the days when Four Seasons was just an upscale business hotel brand? Yes, they have expanded their portfolio with many inspirational properties. But in the era of influencers, they hype up the Four Seasons like it’s the Oetker. Good hotels should anticipate the needs of their guests. That’s why guests pay exorbitant prices. The service we experienced was well-intentioned, but appeared to lack adroitness.

There were many hard product issues that should’ve been ironed out prior to the hotel opening. We were told that we were the first people to ever stay in our villa. The indoor electrical fireplace barely had any heat. The outdoor gas fireplace, after 3 attempts by engineering to repair, was pronounced permanently broken. The wifi was spotty. The in-room iPad was not set up, so we couldn’t order room service on it. The AC in the second bedroom stopped working after one night. The list went on…

Moving onto the service mishaps. Housekeeping at FS Napa provided the most perfunctory turndown service I’d ever seen in my travels - they didn’t even bother to pick up deflated balloons on the floor. Getting things wrong was a daily occurence. Breakfast always missed one or two items. They emailed us the wrong time for two tastings. On departure day, one of our friends was leaving early, so we booked a taxi for her the day before. At 7am the next day, of course no taxi was to be found. For those of you who had been to Napa, you know how hard it is to get a taxi/rideshare, not to mention at 7am.

We still had a great time in Napa, but the Four Seasons wasn’t additive to our experience. The moral of the story is that you shouldn’t blindly follow a hotel brand just because you saw it on Instagram. Even the best brands have underperforming properties. Always do your research on the specific hotel from a trusted source. You know, like this blog.