COMO Metropolitan Miami Beach

July 10th, 2020

Update: As of September 2021, Como Metropolitan Miami Beach had been permanently closed due to a recent acquisition by Fasano.

Enroute:

It has been over 7 months since my last trip report and over 4 months since I traveled - my partner and I spent a weekend in Montego Bay (I know) in late February shortly before this world came to a standstill.

A lot is going on right now, and in no way does this review even attempt to capture the magnitude of impact and changes we are all living through. But that doesn’t stop me from unpacking my emotional baggage 🤷‍♂️. Get it? Cuz this is a hotel review?

We drove down to Miami in the early afternoon on a Friday. I have to say Florida turnpike is about as debilitated as New Jersey, other than the Palm Beach stretch where they had nicely trimmed tall bushes to camouflage Jeff trafficking young girls in and out. Oops.

We pulled up to the hotel around 6 and were able to park in one of the 6 spots right off the driveway. Valet was otherwise available.

Check-in:

We had spent our (more than) fair share of time in Miami in the past couple of years, as it is an easy jaunt from DC on American Airlines’ DCA-MIA shuttle services and the inevitable layovers when going to the Caribbeans. Thus, we had stayed at enough hotels up and down the A1A to have a favorite, which used to be the Edition. However, our last experience was less than stellar, so we (but mostly me) decided to explore something new just 4 blocks south.

I first discovered COMO hotels when I was researching on where to stay for our last year’s trip to Turks and Caicos, as they have a property in Parrot Cay. So when COMO Miami showed up in my search results, I obviously clicked on it to check out the deets. Much to my surprise, not only did COMO Miami look cute, but it also didn’t levy any resort fees. For those who are not familiar with this deplorable but unfortunately common practice, a resort/destination fee is essentially hotels trying to increase the room rate without actually increasing the room rate. Depending on the hotels, you would be charged an additional $20-$60 per night for “amenities” that are either completely useless or used to be included. The most abominable are hotels with the nerves to advertise resort fees as “free access to the gym”, “unlimited domestic phone calls” and “25% discount on a Macy’s gift card”. Let me stop you right there, first of all, I’ve never set foot in a Macy’s. Second of all, you might as well tell me that I have access to the bed, the toiletries and unlimited air-conditioning. Personally I try my best to discourage these foul businesses by taking my business somewhere else.

For this review, it would actually cover two different rooms because we made another last-minute trip to Miami on the subsequent weekend.

As soon as I walked into the lobby, I could tell the COMO was quintessentially art deco, from the ivory lofty columns to the silver crystal trapezoid wall lamps. Being socially responsible and aware, the hotel had a wall-mounted infrared temperature detector that transmitted the thermal images onto the front desk agent’s computer.

The hotel was reasonably intimate, with some 70 rooms, and we got to know many of the staff in a relatively short amount of time. Our front desk was this super friendly papi from PR named Renic. He checked us into a balcony room on the highest guest room floor and gave us a brief rundown of the hotel amenities. Apparently when the hotel first erected back in the 30s, it was the tallest structure on the beach.

Unpack:

Given that the COMO domiciled in a protected historic building, not all rooms were created equal, even if they were in the same room type. The first time we booked a balcony room, and we really lucked out on getting the one facing directly the ocean, because all the other balcony rooms faced into the condo next door and only boosted a partial ocean view.

Upon entry, there was a small bench. The COMO opted for a cute magnetic DND sign instead of the more ubiquitous paper ones.

Immediately to the right was the bathroom, with a single wash basin and a standing toiletry shelf. The bathroom was impeccably clean, with white subway tiles flinging into the shower.

The bathroom was otherwise standard, with rainforest shower and COMO-branded toiletries, which were of good quality. The bathroom and the room itself were of fair size. Most rooms did seem to be connecting rooms - on our second stay we (but it was just me because I’m nosy) were able to hear some fun stuff going on next door. To be fair they were pretty vanilla, but the hotel got really quiet (which was a good thing) at night so you could hear certain things. If you’re someone who’s bothered by it, you should probably ask for a non-connecting room.

To the left was a desk, the closet space as well as the connecting door to the next room.

The room hosted an espresso machine, which was nice to see for a hotel of this calibre. There were also two sets of bathrobes and slippers.

The hotel prepared us a cute little note handwritten by the general manager Pietro, who greeted us on our second stay, and a box of truffle chocolates.

The centerpiece of the room was the king size bed.

The real stunner in this room, however, was hidden behind the drapes.

Just a little peek of the magnificent ocean.

The balcony furniture worked out perfectly for us because there was a citywide curfew at 10pm so all the restaurants had to close early. We had gone diving in Key Largo earlier that day so decided to stay in and ordered sushi boat for dinner. There is something sublime about eating outside - it was a slightly balmy but glorious summer night, with waves gently tapping the beach and palm trees rustling. It was especially serene thanks to the curfew so there were no rented Mustangs or Corvettes blasting on Collins with intense club beats. We washed down dinner with some Bossa Nova and Asahi Super Dry. It was better than any meals you could have at Los Fuegos.

On our second stay, this exact room was occupied by another party, so the front desk manager Melody upgraded us to an ocean suite. The suite featured additional separate living area, a half bathroom and a soaking tub.

Unwind:

The hotel had a small but reasonably equipped gym on the top floor, which was appreciated but I’d rather exercise by day-drinking at the pool.

Speaking of pool, or pools in this instance, because there were actually two pools at the COMO - a smaller plunge pool on the rooftop deck, and a traditional one by the beach. As an ex-DC gay (yes, I’ve evolved, I’m a NYC gay now), I think rooftop pools should be mandatory for any cities with significant gay culture.

The water sure was gorgeous that weekend. I could hear myself talking to my partner in the same voice that every Midwestern woman on HGTV had when touring open houses in Dauphin Island - “(long gasp with hand touching heart) Bob, can you believe waking up to this every morning!”.

From the rooftop pool, you can see from the bird’s-eye view the bigger pool, which was equally stunning.

On our first night, we went up for a midnight dip, even though I don’t think anybody was supposed to be there.

To access the regular pool, one had to walk across the boardwalk. I’m not sure if it was due to Covid or the small size of the hotel, there were never more than 5 parties at the pool.

We spent pretty much every spare waking moment by the pool, and this is just to show off my tan and how beautiful my legs were 🤷‍♂️.

Refuel:

We didn’t really eat at the hotel other than for breakfasts, since there were so many options throughout in Miami.

During our visits, the hotel was offering free breakfast to every guest, which justified the rather limited menu selection. The breakfast reads as follows:

Essentially each guest could order 1 item off the menu free of charge, however, in practice I don’t think the wait staff cared too much about that. We booked through Virtuoso, so our rate included $45/pp breakfast credit.

Although the selection was not on the extensive side, everything was executed perfectly. The chicken sausage was made in-house and wasn’t greasy like all the grocery store breakfast sausages. The roasted potatoes were delicious, the bacon was thick-cut and the chia papaya parfait was light and healthy. The fruit bowl was also excellent, with passion fruit, lychee, guava and starfruit. Nothing speaks thoughtfulness like a well-plated fruit bowl. The restaurant also used rustic bread in its french toast, which was another example to showcase that there were thoughts that went into the offerings.

The pool bar shared the same all-day menu with the restaurants. The COMO had some tasty signature cocktails, as we had sampled all of them. My favorite was the one made with Pimm’s.

One afternoon we wanted a snack, but they were out of the salmon crudo and lamb meatballs. Against our better judgement, we ordered a main course to share, even though we had dinner reservation at Mandolin’s…

The hanger steak frites was actually quite good, and the capers sauce accompanied it nicely. Normally ordering steak at a pool is like ordering a steak on an airplane, but this one was an exception to the norm.

Given that we’ve stayed here probably a dozen times, we pretty much had everything on and off the menu. Everything was phenomenal. Another great tradition here was the oyster happy hour, which I can’t tell you how many we’ve had…

Depart:

We are finally delving into what makes the COMO so great. I LOVED the intimacy of it - it almost felt like a mom and pop shop where we were dealing with the same people and getting to know them. There was a spirit of friendliness and warmth amongst the people who worked there, and it was really refreshing to see that in the midst of a global pandemic, they were able to stay uplifted and make the best out of an otherwise grim situation.

The team also functioned as one - one night we ordered room service. Because of Covid, they no longer let staff enter the room, so I had to grab the tray from the staff but lost balance (a glorified excuse for being clumsy) after the heavy door slammed on my back. Renic the front desk and restaurant supervisor Marina took it upon their shoulders and cleaned up the shattered mess outside our room. On our second stay, the GM Pietro was waiting tables during breakfast rush hours.

The pool staff were outstanding as well. They were constantly checking on every guest and refreshing the water carafes when they were no longer ice cold. We’ve stayed at many more expensive hotels where it’s like pulling teeth getting some water. We became friends with Erez and Patrica. I could only describe them as two beautiful souls. They were some of the kindest people I’ve ever encountered, and talking to Erez was like watching a stand-up at the Comedy Cellar. We actually joked about how he should have his own stand-up, but he said he’d rather sit down.

Lastly, the front desk manager Melody was this joyful and bubbly lady from the Philippines. She was patient and helpful with some of our billing issues and overall a gracious and hospitable person. We are used to checking out at 4pm through either hotel statuses or booking via Amex Fine Hotels or Virtuoso. She arranged us 6pm checkout knowing that we didn’t have to catch a plane and would love to defer our departure to the very last minute. Obviously this wouldn’t have happened were the hotel to be full, but we appreciated her taking the extra step when she had the capacity to do so.

On a much grander scheme of things, our encounter with people at the COMO was almost serendipitously apropos to the world we live in nowadays. I have always been a staunch believer that travel brings people together, teaches people compassion and guides us to love. The world might be crumbling on many different fronts right now, and our bandwidths are filled with rhetorics of alienation and hatred, but that shouldn’t give us any excuse to overlook the beauty in this world and to take kindness for granted. Our world would be a much better place with just a little sprinkle of empathy, and it is through love that we can all shine.